World Mental Health Day: Former Morecambe councillor shares his own struggle in the hope of helping others

Josh Brandwood, from Lancaster, said he contemplated suicide after finding out his first child would not survive childbirth.

The former Morecambe Town Councillor says he hopes his personal journey can help others with mental health issues and felt today (October 10) – World Mental Day – was a fitting occasion to share his family’s story.

Here is Josh’s story in his own words.

“In 2017, my partner and I found out the wonderful news that we were going to be parents. It was the first time in my life that I felt genuinely accomplished. Mixed in was feelings of panic and apprehension, especially given we were both still living separately.

“The day soon arrived when my partner and I were due to see our little baby for the first time at our 12 week scan. We dressed up especially for it; I wore a suit and my partner wore a lovely dress. It was a big day for us.

“It was a beautiful day – up until the sonographer rolled the scanner across my partner’s stomach and said, ‘I’m so sorry’. Confused, we asked what was wrong and she explained that there was an issue with the baby’s development and left the room to get a colleague to confirm.

“We were escorted into a grievance room and were greeted by a consultant who informed us our baby had a condition called encephalocele, which is where the skull never forms properly and would likely not make it to full term.

“I asked whether there was any chance of survival but our fears were confirmed. I tried to hold back my tears so I didn't upset my partner more than she already was. Trying to stay composed when inside you're hurting is hard.

“The consultant offered us a second opinion and we immediately agreed as we didn’t want to accept the news. We were in denial. A week or so passed and we went to St Mary's Hospital in Manchester where they confirmed our fears.

“My wife was offered a medical management procedure at our local hospital to terminate the pregnancy.

“Witnessing my partner have to give birth to our lifeless baby was the most harrowing thing I've ever witnessed.

“After the process, I tried to remain strong in order to support my partner. She was incredibly brave throughout and deserved love and reassurance

“As time went on I started feeling more and more depressed and couldn’t face the situation or my emotions any longer so I considered taking my life.

“Despite suffering in silence, I refused to seek help. I felt a burden on my loved ones, especially my partner as she was struggling also. I was also worried that if I told my doctor about my suicidal thoughts I would be locked away.

“I thought I could make the negative thoughts disappear but as time went on, it became clear that wasn’t going to happen. It was at this point I told my partner. I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders and she was incredibly loving and supportive.

“We both sought professional help from our doctors to help us come to terms with our loss. This was a long process and took many months of counselling.

“We had a fitting send off for our beloved baby. We named him Hope and he rests peacefully in the baby and children memorial garden at our local crematorium.

“After coming to terms with our trauma, I'm in such a better place now and have been blessed. I've now been married to my partner for five years and have two beautiful healthy children. Noah is aged four now and Ivy is two months old.

“I would like to share my gratitude and appreciation to all the medical professionals, friends and family who supported us throughout. Despite the current pressures on our NHS, all staff involved in our care showed the utmost warmth, care and professionalism and for that we are eternally grateful."

Where to get help: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/get-help