Reasons to be depressed so far in 2016

I have coined a phrase which calls this period of the new year “second week of the year itis”. Yes, I know it’s a mouthful but let’s face the facts, the year hasn’t started off too well so far.

Take the politicians (No, please, take them). The Tories don’t know if they want to be in or out. Labour lost the will to live in the longest reshuffle in history - ever! The Lib Dems (those who remain), probably took the mess Webley into the Billiard Room to do “the right thing” and the wheels literally came off Mr Farage’s wagon.

Us mere self-employed mortals have tax returns to get in by the end of the month which will leave all of us skint until next year’s tax returns are due in. Who in reality ever puts that money aside to pay off the tax - I don’t think there would be any hands up for that one.

I suppose to save some money you could act like a vegan and detox on tofu for the rest of the month. Chewing on something that looks like Lego and tastes even more of Lego is not my idea of gastronomic fun.

Even worse still, for the ladies, are two things to really jar them off. Firstly there is a picture circulating in the press featuring Claudia Schiffer (45), Cindy Crawford (49) and Naomi Campbell (45) looking utterly gorgeous and not a stretch mark between them.

To add more grief to women of a certain age some bright spark has decided red wine isn’t good for you in a major blitz to stop people boozing. That is definitely a red rag to a bull for some of my regular ladies (ahem!). “Who is this idiot UK health chief - anyway?” Sales of wine have increased in The York since that statement, as I expected.

If you are a hard pressed publican, like me, someone has come up with the concept of a dry January. I ask you, do they really want to deny the Chancellor of all that tax. Somebody from the Lib Dems hand me the mess Webley!