Aldi and McVitie’s review: These ‘festive’ foodie offerings from Channel 4 have you longing for an ad break as a respite from the hard sell

Way back in 1959, Lehrer wrote his song A Christmas Carol, which nailed the creeping commercialisation of the Christmas season.

“Hark the herald tribune sings, advertising wondrous things,” sang Lehrer

“God rest ye merry, merchants

“May you make the yuletide pay

“Angels we have heard on high

“Tell us to go out and buy! “

These two programmes were very much hoping to “make the Yuletide pay” for its two subjects, and were made up of so much soft soap you wonder if Unilever had got involved as well.

Identikit, long-form adverts masquerading as television shows, they contained very similar tropes.

Both had a female Northern voice narrating the production line problems, to bring that down-to-earth, no-nonsense warmth to what was otherwise a very cold mercantile proposition.

Bradford lass Anita Rani told us about Aldi's bumper Christmas sales – 48m mince pies and 38m pigs in blankets, fact fans – while Fay Ripley brought us breathless updates from McVitie's struggles to create a white chocolate digestive.

The same Fay Ripley, by the way, who was born in Wimbledon and raised in Surrey, but who became famous putting on a Northern accent in Cold Feet.

It sort of made sense that such an obviously fake programme should also employ a fake accent.

Both Rani and Ripley did their commentary in the sort of voice that gave the impression they were always on the verge of chuckling, while there were jaunty instrumental versions of favourite Christmas tunes on the soundtrack, and interviews with factory staff who talked like hostages in a video message, trying to reassure their loved ones they were being well-treated.

None of which went any way to inject some humanity into proceedings, and nor did the attempts to sex up the shows with some false jeopardy.

Some small-scale producers tried to pitch their products to Aldi, in an effort to get their cheesecakes or steamed puddings onto the supermarket's groaning Christmas shelves. Everyone was very nice about it though, even when turning down the pitches and you got no sense of the ramifications of a yes or no for the businesses.

Even the pitch winners – a Yorkshire dairy farm won an order for their pigs in blankets flavoured ice cream. No, me neither – just gaily got on with it, even though the order for 20,000 units was way above anything they had ever produced

McVitie's, meanwhile, were apparently having trouble with the viscosity of the topping for their new white chocolate digestive.

Such tension there was, however, didn't last long – just one more mix and the biscuit had that all-important “fatty mouth-feel” which would “optimise the overall eat experience”.

Despite all the Christmas-jumpered hi-jinks, the forced jollity on the biscuit packing line and the PR gurus' Pigs in Blanket restaurant, there was little remotely festive about these two programmes.

According to figures released earlier this year, Channel 4's revenues declined just two per cent in 2022, to £1.14bn, while non-advertising revenues increased 15 per cent to £121 million, and now makes up 11 per cent of the channel's total revenues, which bosses say is three years ahead of its target.

It makes you wonder if these shows are classed as non-advertising, when all they do is make you long for a commercial break as a respite from the hard sell.

There were no secrets here, no insights, no warmth. No real sense of what life is like inside the factories, no sense of the suppliers' relationships with these giant firms, no idea of what happens to all the unsold 'stuff'.

Just the merchants, telling us to go out and buy.