Mick Dennison column

Mick Dennison.
Mick Dennison.
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It was 10pm Christmas Eve, the fire was crackling in the grate at the Dog and Duck; the landlord was locking the front door.

On returning to the main room he was confronted by a ghostly figure stood at the corner of the bar. An old man wearing old scruffy clothes, work boots and full length leather apron; a flat cap adorning his head.

“Who are you?” the landlord asked nervously as the lights dimmed and a chill settled over the bar. “I’m the ghost of Christmas past,” exclaimed the old man, “now where are all the drinkers?”

The landlord stammered, “Oh come on now,” the old man said, “I used to be the cellar man in this pub, it used to be packed in here on Christmas Eve.”

Getting over the initial shock and after downing a large scotch the landlord explained about television, X Boxes, cheap beer in supermarkets, the recession etc.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about young man but in my days there wasn’t anything you call television or supermarkets and to be honest we were always poor but still managed to come out for a drink in the local. So stop moaning and get on with it.”

The landlord went to get another shot of whisky, turned round and the man had disappeared. Just as he was about to turn off the lights another figure appeared in the bar, riding on a hover board.

“Wow man – watch out,” screamed another old man. The landlord ran back to the optics not caring what he got to drink. “I’m the Ghost of Christmas to come and your building is on my hover path.”

“In years to come this pub is demolished as the government finally outlaws drinking.” The landlord sat down bewildered, “You mean nobody drinks anymore in your time.”

“Exactly,” he replied, “that and the fact there are too many other legal highs in life, so we don’t need drink.”

The landlord wasn’t frightened anymore just angry, the drinks industry finally implodes in years to come.

He turned to the ghostly hover boarder and said – “Go on then get off Back to the Future.” (Boom, Boom)