Lawlessly Yours column

Bill Lawless.
Bill Lawless.

As an ex-PR man my congratulations go to the Morrisons publicists who dreamed up the idea of applying the picture of a baguette to the enormous wingspan of the Anthony Gormley’s angel of the north sculpture.

Mr Gormley was po-faced about the commercial hi-jack of his creation but said he feared something along the same lines would happen by some anti-artistic Phillistines – and indeed they don’t come more anti-artistic than PR men.

(I once spent a week amending Psalm 23 along the lines of ‘my car is a Ford and I shall not want another. It maketh me to lie down in wet gutters; it anointeth my head with oil’ etc etc. Can’t remember who the client was but he had enough common sense to reject it.)

However, I have to say that in the late 1950s when the Ford product line included the Popular and the Anglia many owners would agree.

I had a ‘sit up and beg’ Pop once and I just about took up residence underneath it.

Veteran petrolheads will remember the model. Side-valve engine, three-speed gearbox and windscreen wipers powered off the manifold so when you put your clog down they stopped working.

Don’t know what today’s ‘elf and bleedin’ safety mob would have made of that.

Anyway, inspired by the sheer impudence of Morrisons I started to think in terms of a similar exercise here in Morecambe.

What I came up with for the landscape was that enormous backside on that appalling construction on the sea-side of the promenade.

This is the first thing motorists see when entering the resort and it’s like being poked in eye with the rough end of a Cuban pineapple. Well, come on, innit?

And the message to be appended thereto? Well, how about ‘abandon all hope ye who enter here.’

That should get certain members of the council going. Or, ‘Morecambe, for the biggest bums in the north-west.’

Also lurking in my fertile imagination: ‘Eat at Joe’s, 10,000 bluebottles can’t be wrong.’

It would take a genius to make that message enrich the resort’s reputation and it’s way beyond me, but it has a nice buzz to it.