Lawlessly Yours: Crazed boss takes no prisoners

Bill Lawless
Bill Lawless

Goings-on in the Orient continue to make news. Once again we must look eastwards towards Japan, this time for a lesson in management techniques and industrial relations.

A firm of accountants in Tokyo had a department run by a lady who was so violent she would have made a samurai warrior look about as lethal as the Milky Bar Kid.

She was eventually arrested for duffing up a male employee who had got his sums wrong. She kneed him in his generative equipment then straightened him out with a left hook and broke his nose with a forearm smash.

He expressed his gratitude to her when he left hospital and refused to make a complaint, reckoning that he got what he deserved. However, a colleague who clearly lacked the samurai spirit dobbed her in.

In the previous six months she had sacked a lady clerk for having dirty fingernails and stabbed another employee for breaking into tears.

He wept because his dear old mother had joined her ancestors as long ago as the day before, so he had no excuse for breaking down in the firm’s time.

Then there was the secretary who made a typing error. She was sprayed with lighter fuel and burnt brightly until her workmates put her out. Another secretary who was enjoying a crafty fag in the ladies had the contents of a fire extinguisher blasted at her overhead from the next cubicle. Matters came to a head at a business seminar when one trainee who had probably been on the sake and sushi the night before broke wind horribly and really loudly.

The disciplinarian took it personally because she had just been speaking. She believed it was not an accidental discharge and reckoned a lot of thought and effort had gone into it and truly reflected his opinion of her speech.

She produced a cordless drill from her capacious handbag and started to fill him with 10mm holes.

Nasty, yes, but he must have thanked his Gods that she wasn’t equipped with a mallet and a bung. She was only lightly punished after the earlier assault and battery because the head magistrate thought that if more mid-management showed the same samurai spirit the country would soon climb out of the economic doldrums.

She was last heard of running management seminars which were attended by many UK executives and, strangely, some senior trades union officials who wanted the learn more from the enemy camp. (No she didn’t, I made that last bit up.)